how do you stop fighting with your spouse
One of the most common marriage issues is related to ARGUMENTS. They are arguing, fighting, bickering with your spouse. We’ve all been there; every married couple argues from time to time. But when these fights get too frequent or too heated, they’re often a one-way ticket to divorce.
Thankfully, there’s some excellent news: in this article — like, right now, in the next few minutes — I’ll give you six simple, useful tips and techniques that will allow you to put to STOP these toxic arguments and ensure they don’t continue to damage or destroy your marriage. These six tactics I’m about to cover are just a starting point. Yes, they’re all helpful in preventing fights with your spouse, so you should start using them immediately.
But for most people, this isn’t the only thing that’s contributing to your marriage problems, so you need to address any other issues as well if you want to ensure you stay happily married to your spouse for the long-term. You’ll get more critical info and practical steps to start fixing your marriage, even without your spouse’s help. Let’s get started with one of my favourite “Dispute Defusing” tactics, which I’ve mentioned in a few previous articles because it’s so effective.
Technique #1: Use The 30-Minute Rule:
Angry at your spouse about something? Ready to flip out and start screaming because of what they did or said? Or maybe your spouse has initiated the conflict, and you’re prepared to fight back. Well, hold up a second. Hold up 30 minutes. Why? Well, I can’t tell you never to get into an argument with your spouse. If you disagree, if you need to stand up for something you believe is important and worth discussing with your spouse. OK, fine, you can and often should do so.
But before you do, wait 30 minutes. Please don’t do anything special in that time, other than to avoid talking about the problem with your spouse — or even avoid talking with them at all for half an hour — before you begin the discussion.
That 30 minutes will often be enough time to give you some perspective and decide it’s not worth fighting over. Or it’ll help you cool down and let the emotions settle so you can start the discussion in a civilized, adult manner and prevent things from getting out of hand. The next one is closely related to the 30-minute rule.
Technique #2: Take A Time-Out:
If you find yourself in a heated argument with your spouse, then the 30-minute rule isn’t an option. But you can still take action to make sure the fight doesn’t continue to escalate, and that the emotions don’t end up with either you or your spouse resorting to yelling, personal attacks, and so on. You need a way to lessen the intensity of an argument if it’s getting out of hand. And giving yourself a time-out is an easy way to do that.
It would help if you took a short break during a fight with your spouse to calm your nerves. Now, don’t just walk out of the room without explanation — that might make your partner even angrier — but you can tell them that you need to take 10 minutes to think about things and calm down before re-engaging in a more respectful, productive discussion. Not only will this help to calm your nerves,
but this will help to ease your partner’s nerves as well, meaning it works for both
sides of the argument.
Technique #3: Forget Those Old Sayings About “Never Going to Bed Angry”
This advice — that you should never go to bed angry at your spouse — is just totally ridiculous, frankly. What, you need to resolve disagreements with your spouse that might have been an issue for years already. in a single evening? Or you need to stay up until 3 am arguing before you can go to bed? Yeah, that sounds like a right formula for a productive discussion. No, that’s a terrible idea. Feel free to go to bed even when you’re mad at your partner, or they’re angry at you. Sleeping on things can often make the issue go away by itself, or at least give both sides some perspective and a chance to think things over.
Technique #4: Take responsibility for your role in disputes or problems affecting your marriage.
Hate being wrong? Too proud to admit you might also be part of the problem? Me too. Trust me, and I understand that it can be very tough to assume that you’re wrong about anything. When you’re in a heated argument, sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture or start focusing only on “winning” rather than the real issue at hand, or the effect the argument might have on their partner’s feelings. Sadly, researchers have proven that the opinion “being right” or ‘winning’ is never as satisfying as you make it out to be in your mind.
Instead of trying to win arguments with your spouse, try instead to focus on seeing things from your partner’s perspective, and then aim to come to a positive outcome of some sort, even if that means you need to swallow your pride and “lose” because you realize that your partner has a valid concern or that this is something significant to them. Easier said than done? Yes, but constantly reminding yourself to take a step back and try to see your spouse’s side — and then admit to being wrong or accept
a “loss” when it’s necessary to maintain harmony in your marriage — is going to help.
Technique #5: Use humour and a positive, light-hearted attitude to defuse tension.
As I just mentioned, it’s easy to lose yourself in the heat of the moment when you’re arguing with your significant other. and at times, things can escalate and become toxic, marriage-threatening fights, even when they initially started over something very minor that shouldn’t lead to a huge argument. If you’re able to recognize when this is happening in a case with your partner, humour can be the best way to defuse things and bring back some perspective.
You should be careful using this technique when the discussion is about something serious or ongoing, or if you’re fighting over something significant to your spouse. But a lot of the time, a joke or a light-hearted self-deprecating comment and a smile can calm things down and bring back perspective. As long as you don’t downplay the issue and make your spouse feel like you’re not taking them seriously, cracking a smile or a joke is a great way to cool things down when arguments get heated.
Technique #6: Spend quality, real-time together when you and your spouse are getting into frequent arguments.
I don’t think this last one needs much explanation because it’s pretty simple. the more you and your spouse spend time arguing, the more you need to spend quality, enjoyable time together to balance things out. When you finish a big argument, and things have settled down, suggest something to your spouse that you do something fun along the next evening. No need to make it a big deal, just make sure you make a concerted effort to share some definite, romantic, and enjoyable time if you and your spouse are often arguing. That’s the last Dispute Defusing technique.
Hope the article helps control the arguments between each other and help in leading a happy life. Stay Happy.